BETTY: Previously on Ugly Betty...
You have exactly the right voice for a new magazine I'm starting.
I want you to help me run it. In London.
You know, there is something about you that I automatically liked.
I would do anything for that girl.
AMANDA: My biological father has that Tweety Bird tattoo.
It's a great feeling, isn't it?
Everything is right in the world.
Hi, Mr. Dunne. I would like to accept your offer.
I don't want anything from you.
I'm the one who made you feel this way. Give me the gun.
(GUN FIRES)
(GASPS)
Fashionista, trendsetter, loyal friend.
This cherished icon, who once walked the halls of Mode,
is now eating out of the hands of angels
and soiling the carpets of heaven for all eternity.
- Amen. - CROWD: Hallelujah.
Poor Halston. He was a good dog, Amanda.
He was.
Goodbye, Halston.
I can't believe it, Marc.
The only connection to the mother I never knew is gone.
(CRYING)
(EX CLAIMS)
Indigenous. Good look for you.
Officer, there they are!
Amanda, you said you got a permit for this, right?
(GASPS)
Run! Run!
Run!
Crisis mode!
With Mode just weeks away from publishing its 100th anniversary issue,
Wilhelmina Slater is still unconscious after a mysterious shooting
at the Mode offices.
And that bullet must've been filled with beauty powder
because she looks ravishing.
So far, the only information we have is that her longtime nemesis,
Claire Meade, was the sole witness.
She claims the shooting was an accident,
which has fashionistas everywhere
- straining to raise their eyebrows. - Come on, let's go!
B, how can you move to London?
Won't you miss all the kidnapping, shooting and murder at Mode?
- No. Not really. - This looks so good.
Yeah, I've got to say, I'm really glad I'm becoming a part of this Latin family.
Kid, we are gonna spice you up so much you're gonna forget you're white.
Okay, this smells amazing. Let's eat.
Nuh-uh. Hands off. For you, sheep's heart, liver and lung, stuffed in intestine.
Otherwise known as haggis.
(ALL GROANING)
- JUSTIN: Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, I'm gonna vomit.
Papi, why? I'm fine just eating what everyone else is eating.
Mi hija, that's what they eat in the UK.
We need to toughen up your stomach before you go.
(BETTY EX CLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Unless you want to stay.
- Papi, I am taking the job in London. - I understand.
(SCOFFS)
Look, so I've been looking at a couple of houses that look pretty good.
(SHUSHING)
- He's in the other room. - (WHISPERING) You guys are moving?
We are just looking. We haven't told Papi yet.
With you leaving and everything, it's just, it's a hard time.
He's gonna have to get used to it some time.
Besides, I saw some nice places in Bay Ridge.
Bay Ridge?
(ALL SHUSHING)
Look, just swear that we are gonna look in Manhattan.
And thanks to the Great Recession, you'd be surprised
on how affordable things are now.
Hey! Betty, you haven't touched the haggis.
Trust me, you don't want to eat it when it's cold.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
That's my phone.
- What's a matter with you? What... - Where'd you even find that?
It's Daniel. Hi, Daniel.
Yes.
I can be right there. Sorry, guys.
Daniel needs me, so I guess I'll just have to eat with him.
Are you finally gonna tell him that you're moving to London?
Yes, I am going to tell him.
It's just not easy, okay? He gave me my start.
I owe him everything, but I made my decision and I'm gonna tell him.
Sorry I can't stay for dinner.
You really haven't missed that much.
We had this ridiculous aborted funeral for Amanda's dog.
(SCOFFS) She brought that big queen who I think is her father,
but I'm not sure.
And I would just hate for her to have to go through all that again.
What else can I tell you?
Oh, well, I'm still not over Troy, even though he's got a boyfriend.
What?
(LAUGHING)
Stop it!
I like him.
Oh, you're so bad.
Willie,
I knew your obsession with the Meades would get the better of you.
Now look at you.
Your makeup is still flawless, but you're in a coma.
(SIGHS) I just want you to be happy,
because all this scheming, it's killing you.
You know, I think this is the best conversation we've ever had.
- BETTY: Are you crazy? - (DANIEL LAUGHING)
BETTY: Look, you're doing your fishy face thing in this one.
No, I'm not. That's just my face.
No, it's not! And you're standing like a robot.
So, my shoulders don't droop. What's the matter with that?
Daniel, this is your big picture for the 100th anniversary issue.
This looks like the guy that I met my first day on the job.
This is posey Daniel. You're not that guy anymore.
Well, thank you. I will take that as a compliment.
So, Daniel.
Uh...
Listen. There's something I've been wanting to tell you.
Wait, one quick thing.
In this issue, we're doing profiles of everyone
who's ever been Editor-in-Chief of Mode,
and I was hoping maybe you'd write mine.
Really? Oh, my God, I would love that.
Good. Because, I've got to tell you,
there's no way I could have done this job without you.
I think we make a good team, you and me.
So, I interrupted you. What were you saying?
Um...
You know what? I forgot.
Good morning, sunshine.
No, I haven't had a chance to tell Daniel yet.
Well, don't you think he'll notice when you stop showing up for work
- in three weeks? - Hilda, I can't talk about this.
I'm at work, and if anyone here finds out I'm taking a job in London,
- it will spread like wildfire. - You're taking a job in London?
(SHUSHING) Marc, please, please, don't say anything.
Daniel doesn't know yet. Just give me a chance to tell him first.
Of course, of course. I totally get it.
- I'm not going to tell anyone. - What are you doing?
What are you doing? Marc!
MARC: Oops.
- You did not. - I totally did.
Say hi to the Beckhams.
Hey, Betty, have fun in London!
No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, God, no. No, don't send that.
That's not yours to send!
Stop. Stop, stop, stop!
Oh, my God!
Stop! Don't take any calls. Give me five minutes alone with him!
Daniel!
- Betty. - I have something I have to tell you,
and it's big.
Bigger than you taking a job in London?
I'm so sorry you found out before I could tell you.
Daniel, I am so grateful for these last four years.
It has been a pleasure working with you.
- Actually, an honor, and... - Did you rehearse this?
A little.
Daniel, we're always gonna be friends and I...
Betty, it's fine.
It is?
- Yeah. - (TYPING)
Okay.
- Great. - Is there anything else?
Yeah, I need you to sign this form releasing me from my contract.
They need it tomorrow.
Yep, no problemo.
Okay.
Great.
CONNOR: When I heard what happened, I had to come.
Connor, I don't understand. How did you...
Get out of jail?
Talked a guard into letting me out for a few hours. He's just outside.
(MONITOR BEEPING)
But I thought you'd been transferred.
That's what I needed you to believe so that you could move on.
But, Willie,
I can't live without you.
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
Okay, let's calm down before we put you back in that coma.
(SIGHS)
It would be worth it.
I spent my entire life fighting for a magazine
when I should have been fighting for you.
It's all gonna be different now.
Wilhelmina Slater is a completely changed woman.
Well, I hope not completely changed.
There were some parts of you I rather liked.
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
Hi, Daniel. Just a little reminder that I need to get that paper signed.
No biggie. When you can. By tomorrow.
Earlier is better. But nothing that inconveniences you.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Hi, Papi.
Did you know that London is the dirtiest city in Europe?
- What? - I'm reading this online.
The dirtiest city and the most expensive, with the worst food.
And they say the people there are the most unfriendly in the world.
You know, I was there. It didn't seem so bad.
This is on the Internet, Betty.
Want me to send it to you?
(SCREAMING)
- Mi hija, what's wrong? - I'll call you back. Amanda!
- Are you okay? - How could you put your dead dog
in my refrigerator?
That dead dog has a name.
Halston.
And he is simply being cryo-genitally preserved
- until I can give him a proper farewell. - In my fridge?
We are a food-free household.
And you need to lose a little weight, so it's really a win-win.
Get him out. Please. I'm going for a walk.
- Hey, Betty? - What?
I heard you're moving to London,
and I just want to say that I'm really gonna miss you.
(EXHALES)
Thank you, Amanda. That is very sweet.
So, really, I can't just keep Halston in your fridge for a little bit?
No.
Claire. Before this happened,
you would've been the last person in the world I'd want to see.
Well, I'm just happy to see that you're awake.
That's nice. It's very sweet of you to visit.
I need to talk to you.
We're saying that Tyler had nothing to do with your shooting.
You need to corroborate our story.
I do?
You made him drink, you supplied him with a gun.
This is your doing, Wilhelmina, and you need to fix this.
This is what we can offer you.
It's funny, I would have been happy with flowers.
Or perhaps a handwritten note saying, "Thank you for saving my life."
Oh, please, I know exactly who you are.
And you're going to milk this until you can get your manicured claws
into our company.
Because Wilhelmina only does things that help Wilhelmina.
Well, I guess you know me better than I know myself.
Now flap those batwings of yours and get out!
(EX CLAIMING)
(GROANS)
Look, I'm sorry. But in my defense, it looked a lot cooler in my head.
I don't understand. I thought you were okay with it.
You said "no problemo."
Well, it is a problemo. I'm angry.
I can't believe you'd make a decision that big
without talking to me about it. At all.
I'm sorry.
Look, I don't want us to end on bad terms.
I don't either. I just don't know how I feel
about releasing you from your contract.
- What are you saying? - We've invested a lot in you, Betty.
If it was anyone else, I'd say no. I need to think about this.
Okay.
Well, they need the form right away or I'll lose the job.
I said I would think about it.
All right. Well, then I guess we'll talk about it later.
I mean, can you believe the nerve of that Claire?
What have I ever done to her?
Several things come to mind. Like, I don't know,
stealing sperm from her husband's corpse.
Well, the craziest thing is, before Old Chicken Neck showed up,
I was just so happy to be alive, just willing to let the whole thing go.
That's not crazy, that's wonderful.
It was a moment of weakness. If those idiots want me to save Tyler,
they're gonna have to hand over the whole damn company.
Willie, don't say that. That's wrong.
You're one to be judging me, Marc.
After all these years, whenever I needed something
that was morally questionable, you were right there with me.
You're right. I was willing to do anything for you.
You were like my mother. My goddess, my diva.
You know, you were my life.
I thought that if you had everything you wanted, you'd be happy,
but you'll never be happy.
There's always something more.
- Thank you. Hi, Betty. - Hi, Mrs. Meade.
You sound like I feel, which isn't great. What's going on?
I don't want to bore you with my problems.
Betty, please.
The last two weeks have been nothing but gunshots and comas.
I would love to hear your problems.
Well, actually, it's sort of about Daniel.
- There you are. What are you doing? - You know I steal when I get upset.
Spencer screamed at me.
He ended up in one of those "Who Wore It Better?" columns.
And only 82% of people said
Ellen DeGeneres wore the suit better than he did.
- No. - I hate him and he's dead to me.
- I never want to talk to him again. - He's your father.
Is everything okay, dear?
Yeah, it's just Betty. She wants to leave and...
I heard.
I tawt I taw the Tweety Bird tattoo when he lifted up his shirt
and a little bit of crackage popped out.
I didn't want to say anything to you because, well, I wasn't sure.
But then Halston died, and you were so sad.
Oh, my God.
Marc, what am I gonna do? Should I tell him?
But then what if I tell him and he rejects me?
What if he's not my father and I have to go through all of this all over again?
What if you have to go through this all over again?
Hey, Amanda. Wow, we see you more now
than when you actually worked here.
(CRYING) Not funny, Suarez! That's not funny at all!
That's terrible timing!
Sorry. I'm not doing well with anyone around here today.
Okay, seriously, whatever drama you got going on today,
I've been sucked into enough. I don't need it!
(MARC CLEARS THROAT)
So, what's up?
Well, look, before I go to London, I have to get released from my contract.
Oh, God, Betty. Honestly. Go on.
Okay, are we talking or not?
Mmm-hmm.
Just the other night we were here talking and working.
I mean, she's writing my bio. I wouldn't trust anyone else to do that.
Are you sure this isn't about more than just Betty's editing skills?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the fact that you might have feelings for her.
What?
- He's a bully and he's manipulative. - And he has a weak chin.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
- What? No. No, he doesn't. - Well...
What does that have to do with anything?
- Keep... Keep ranting. Go. - He's...
Come on, Mom, that's crazy!
Perhaps. Or could it explain your behavior?
What? No. No way.
Daniel, darling, you were so upset at the possibility of her leaving
you nearly burned down your office.
If you are having such a hard time with her leaving,
you need to give her a reason to stay.
Well, I think you need to go and give him a piece of your mind.
- You know what? I will. - Yeah.
- Thanks. - Good. You're welcome.
- Daniel, I... - Me first.
Betty, I can't live without you.
HILDA: So, what exactly did Daniel say?
He offered me a promotion.
Full-fledged editor and a really nice bump in salary.
- That's major, AB. - I know. What do I do?
Seems pretty clear to me.
- You have to take it. - Papi, come on.
- There are a lot of things to consider. - Hey, we got great news, too.
- What? - Nothing. Nothing.
- No, it's not nothing. It's something. - Come on, what is it?
We're gonna get a place in the city.
JUSTIN: Yay!
I think that's great. Great news.
I'm gonna go wash dishes.
Why did you say anything? We don't know if we're taking it yet.
Betty might stay.
I thought it was a good time to test the waters.
- Hilda, it's okay. - No. It's not okay.
And you don't tell me what is okay and what isn't okay, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
HILDA: Hi.
I'm sorry. I am sorry. It's not you, okay? I just...
(SIGHS) Look, I'm so happy for you.
You're living your dream and I am so proud of you.
I just feel like I finally have a chance at living my dream,
the happy family life that I've always wanted,
and I can't do it.
I mean, how's Papi gonna feel if we both leave him alone?
I don't know.
I don't know how Papi is gonna feel,
but if you want that place, get it.
- Yeah? - Hilda, you deserve to be happy.
Rouge alert! Rouge alert!
Our sources have just confirmed that Wilhelmina Slater is en route to Mode,
where she will be publicly speaking about her shooting for the first time.
Who shot the Diabolical Diva?
And what gorgeous piece of couture did they blast a hole through?
Stick with me because Wilhelmina always tells Suzuki first.
- Willie. Willie, Suzuks here. - Out of my way, clown.
Cut!
Thank you all for meeting me here. I have a brief statement
and then I'd like to get back to my office.
As you can imagine, work really piles up when you're in a coma.
There's been some speculation as to what happened the night I was shot,
and I...
And I'd like to put the rumors to rest.
Let the truth speak for itself.
It was not Claire Meade who shot me,
although it's obvious why people would think so.
It was...
It was me.
(PEOPLE GASPING)
I was cleaning my gun and I shot myself by accident.
So sorry to disappoint, but there was no drama that night.
Just
a foolish mistake.
(ALL CLAMORING)
Well, thank you for an informative day.
That was a complete waste of time.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you.
- Don't thank me, I didn't do it for you. - Right.
Forgive me for saying so,
but why do I feel like I'm going to pay for this one day?
Because you don't know me. So, go ahead and unclench everything.
We're good.
Well, as good as you and I can be.
- Really? - Yes, really, Claire.
- Chamomile? - Thank you.
Justin, I don't know what to do.
If I go to London, am I being selfish?
I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
Papi, Daniel, Hilda.
- Not to mention, it's such a risk... - Aunt Betty,
you're all about risk.
You took a job at Mode magazine.
You showed up to your first day of work in a poncho.
- That reeked of disaster. - (CHUCKLES)
But
you became a star.
And it's not selfish.
It helps, kind of, to see you be so brave.
You know, it sort of raises the bar for the rest of us.
Not to mention, I get to visit my cool aunt in London.
How did you get so smart?
I had a few good teachers.
Hey.
You're leaving, aren't you?
Do you have another copy of that paper you wanted me to sign?
Are we good?
We're good.
- Daniel... - I'm supposed to be at a meeting
right now.
So, why don't we talk later?
(UPBEAT MUSIC BLARING)
Betty, this is such a great party.
And thank you so much for making it a farewell to Halston.
Yeah. That was a surprise.
- It's just so perfect. - Good luck, Betty. Bye.
Finally realizing where he belongs. Mode.
Aw!
Mmm.
Mrs. Meade, I'm so glad you came.
Betty, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
- Do you think Daniel's coming? - I don't know.
(SIGHS)
He's been avoiding me for days.
- I think he hates me now. - He doesn't.
Losing you is very hard for him, Betty.
I don't even think he knows quite why yet.
What do you mean?
I have a theory.
What?
Really? No. No. No.
- Hey. - Hey.
This is fun. I'm really glad I got to come.
Well, you were an intern here. You're a Modie, too.
JUSTIN: Why don't you go dance with him?
Oh.
- Come on, you know you want to. - He's got a boyfriend.
That guy? Reeks of rebound.
I don't think that's gonna work out.
Oh, what do you know?
You're recently hatched from the gay egg.
You still have a lot to learn about relationships.
So do you.
(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Look out, skinny bitches!
I don't care who sits here.
This big, orange donut will always be mine!
And Halston's.
Oh. Hi.
You made it.
Of course. I couldn't miss that pooch's farewell.
I didn't realize you knew Betty.
I was talking about Halston.
(LAUGHING) Oh.
- Right. - (SNEEZES)
(VOICEMAIL BEEPING)
Daniel, this is Betty.
It's my going-away party and you're not here.
I was just wondering if you're gonna come.
I really hope that I get to see you before I leave.
Okay, bye.
You know, you do work for two Editors-in-Chief.
I have to find out you're leaving through a mass e-mail?
You never asked my permission.
- Permission granted. - Thank you.
It's interesting. You've spent four years of your life
working your way up the ladder here and now you're throwing it all away.
- Yeah, I just... - I never thought I'd say this,
but you've got big balls, Betty Suarez.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know why I got so competitive with Ellen.
She wore the hell out of that suit.
Spencer, I have something to tell you
and I'm really worried about how you're gonna react.
- I know you're my daughter. - What? How?
I recently found out from a friend that Fey got pregnant
shortly after I was with her.
It was the '80s, Studio 54.
I got so blitzed out of my mind I thought Fey was Andy Warhol.
I contacted an agency to find you.
And then I hired you as my stylist so I could get to know you first.
I wanted to make sure I wasn't intruding.
It's okay.
Really?
Really. I've been waiting years for you to intrude.
Well, then, I forbid you to see that boy.
Wait, what boy? What are you talking about?
I don't know, it just sounded like a fatherly thing to say.
Then I hate you, Dad.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
- Marc. - Yeah?
- Got you! - Oh. Yes.
I'm gonna miss you.
I know.
And you're gonna miss me.
Hmm...
Take care of everything here.
- I love this song! - Me, too!
Me three!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you going to talk to her?
I think I need to let her go.
- What? - Go to the marked tabs.
Those will be your pages to fill.
You're now sole Editor-in-Chief of Mode.
I'm stepping down. It's time.
I got this job because it was handed to me, but you've earned it.
Well, this is quite a surprise.
How does Claire feel about it?
She's given it her blessing.
Congratulations, Wilhelmina.
And what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna start over.
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Okay, everybody, gather round. I'd like to make a toast.
This is gonna be his last attempt to make you stay.
I just want to say, I know I can't stop my daughters from leaving,
but I can give them a little advice.
Betty, you're moving across an ocean
where you'll have no family, no friends.
- You won't know the city. - Papi...
I know what that's like, mi hija.
When your mommy and I left Mexico and came here,
we were so afraid.
But it was the best decision we made in our lives.
Something tells me you'll look back and think the same about this move.
Thank you, Papi.
Next.
No, stop. No advice. I got to tell you something.
- Wait. - No, Papi, me first.
My advice is that you're very stubborn and you don't listen.
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
- We're moving to Manhattan. - And there's plenty of room.
Yeah. We want you to come and live with us.
Yeah.
That's very sweet. I appreciate it, but I'm not going anywhere.
We're not gonna let you live here alone.
I want to live here alone.
Don't you think I'm a little tired of sharing one bathroom
with the three of you?
Believe me, my bladder isn't what it used to be.
Oh, come on, I thought we were gonna have an elegant lunch, but...
I want my daughters and my grandson to live their lives the way they want.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I heard congratulations were in order and I wanted to be one of the first.
Thank you. You are the first, indeed.
You can put the flowers anywhere. You always seem to know what's right.
- Okay, well... - Not so fast.
Now that Mode is mine,
I'm going to be doing some housecleaning,
- getting rid of some of the fat. - But Betty already left.
(SCOFFS)
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
You know, I really am gonna miss her.
Anyway, I might need to lean on you a little more, creatively,
- if you feel you're up to it. - Yes. Sure.
Um...
I'm happy to be leaned on creatively.
Good.
But no more schemes, right?
Well,
there is just one.
I pulled some strings with the senator and got you a new cellmate.
A fairly high-profile type.
And why does this high-profile prisoner put such a twinkle in your eye?
Well, the Feds are hoping to extract a confession out of him.
Now, someone who could sweet-talk a guard
into letting him out of prison to visit his girlfriend
might get him to talk.
And if so, that person could suddenly find his sentence drastically reduced.
Well, I think this guy is going to find me
very hard to resist.
I couldn't agree more.
Okay.
- First, we have a surprise. - What are you... What are you doing?
You cannot go to Europe in those, so...
- HILDA: Nice. - Okay, can I take mine, too?
- No. - Come on...
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
Okay.
- Goodbye. - Bye.
You're gonna come visit me soon, right?
Yeah. Summer can't come soon enough.
I love you.
Be safe.
You're gonna be great, Chipmunk, all right?
Okay. Be good, Austin.
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Love you, Papi.
(CRYING)
Okay, okay. I will call you as soon as I land.
It might be very early,
so just wait until you wake up and call me back, okay?
We will.
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE)
Hi!
- Betty? - Oh, sorry.
Daniel.
- So, was that hard for you? - Not really.
Just, I realized I've had everything handed to me.
I've never really gotten anything on my own.
Like you.
Well, I know there's a lot you can do, Daniel.
Thank you.
And I also realized I didn't say goodbye,
which is really not cool.
So, goodbye.
And good luck.
And have a safe flight.
Thank you. I'll call you when I get there.
So...
So that's it? You're headed back to New York?
No, I think I'm gonna stay around here for a while.
See what I can find. Maybe take you to dinner.
Tonight, if you're free.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
I would love that.
(BELL TOLLS)
Well, I'd better get back to work.
I'm really glad you're here.
- I'll call you later. - Great.
Hey, if you want something to do, I am looking for a new assistant.
Well, maybe I'll submit my résumé.
(LAUGHS)